PREAMBLE: The Promulgation, Correct Style, and Enforcement of Guidelines at the University of Opakulla College of Law are governed by these Guidelines. These Guidelines are not intended by the Promulgatrix hereof to offend any person, place, thing, animal, vegetable, or mineral.
OFFENDED PERSON UNOFFENDED PERSON
WHO: The responsibility for making exceptions to the policies set forth herein, as well as for enforcement of said policies, shall be borne by the Associate Dean for Regulation and Good Order (ADRGO).
WHAT: The general College of Law policy in regard to Promulgation, Correct Style, and Enforcement of Guidelines is as follows:
1. Guidelines shall be promulgated whenever a problem arises or whenever somebody
a. has nothing else to do OR
b. has a good deal else to do, but is in the procrastination phase of task achievement.
.
2. Guidelines shall be promulgated by those offices which have direct responsibility for the Subject Matter thereby governed, or by whoever is sufficiently irritated or otherwise stimulated by the issue therein addressed.
IRRITATED PERSON
3. The Subject Matter of the Guidelines shall always be expressed with the initial letter capitalized.
4. Guidelines shall be written in the passive voice. Exceptions to this rule shall only be made by ADRGO when it has been demonstrated by the applicant for such exception, under the preponderance of the evidence standard, that her/his locutions have become so hopelessly ensnared by the passive voice that what was being attempted to be said by her/him cannot be remembered by her/him.
5. Persons found violating any College of Law Guideline once shall be chastised by whoever witnesses the violation. Such chastisement shall be promptly reported in writing to ADRGO.
6. Upon a second violation of College of Law Guidelines, the violator shall be required to undergo a two-hour written examination regarding all the College of Law Guidelines which have been promulgated up to the time of such violator’s second violation. Said examination shall be conducted at 7:00 A.M. on the Saturday following the second violation.
7. Further violations of College of Law Guidelines shall be punished either by termination of employment, or by assignment to the violator of the responsibility of filing and cataloging all past, present, and future Guidelines of the College of Law, at the complete option and discretion of ADRGO.
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I’m blissfully happy to announce that I won the Ruffin-Walz and Edna Sampson awards for best novel at the Southeastern Writers’ Association Workshop.
Oh yeah. I remember college… Nursing school.. Grad school… It’s not that different from the Real World, except way more picky and a little bit sillier.
Thanks for the memories.
Re the Guidelines post: this is the first thing I’ve read of yours that I didn’t finish, and in this case, this is a compliment. You must have walked a long and winding road with Tedium.
funny one, lizzybet. it sounds a lot like a doctor i heard on npr t’other day. he had (i think) very interesting things to say on new research about something, but everything he said was so couched in jargon he was completely incomprehensibibble. his interviewer, with ill-concealed irritation, kept trying to get him to answer questions in plain english, but he simply could not. i still have no idea what he was… promulgating.
luli
Marjorie – I thought the pictures would carry you down the sluggish stream of passive voice!
Luli – Aren’t you glad that wasn’t your doc?
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